These Are Our Adventures

All I Need is A Miracle

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The newest letter arrives and it’s not really anything we wanted to hear. Essentially, what the microscope showed us previously is true across the board for my sample.   There just aren’t enough mobile sperm or correctly shaped sperm present to be conducive for our desires.   Dr. K is befuddled by this given my blood work, but this is what the test showed.   Couple that with our ages and the MTHFR problems and the doctor thinks our chances of going the old fashioned route are very, very slim.   Not to say it couldn’t be accomplished.  We’ve achieved it before. Just that realistically, not very good odds.

He wants to talk to us about in vitro because he feels that it would be a very successful process for our case.   We’ve been on the fence regarding this for a bit. Dr. K told us that he really doesn’t like going this route because it feels to him as though he failed us. I find comfort in that.  We don’t feel so alone. He cares so much about helping us accomplish this.  We haven’t made an appointment yet, but I think we’re at least going to go and get the information.   And if anyone has an extra $15,000 laying around and wants to clear some space, give us a call! 🙂

We’ve also been giving adoption some serious consideration.   This is all in fact collection mode as well.   I know there’s a long process and financially, there’s a cost as well, but we’ve only just begun to Google and put out feelers.

Despite all the things that seem like setbacks, I just don’t feel like this door is being closed.   I know that earlier I wrote very confidently about us having a child.   When I look back at that entry, I wonder if some of it comes across as prideful or arrogant.   I don’t reallly think that it’s wrong to pray for a miracle regarding our situation, but I’m not sure if I’m also telling God exactly how He should fulfill that request.  Sometimes it feels like holding onto this causes more harm than good.  The crushing monthly disappointment is hard for both of us and here I am setting us up for more hardship next month.   I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me second guess what I feel like God is saying.   I wonder sometimes if I’m being fair.   I continue to pray about it and I still feel like it’s a “just wait” kind of scenario.

We hear so many wonderful stories from amazingly supportive people about other couples who have been in similar situations and God just blessed them with a child that’s it hard not to put ourselves in those scenarios.   To think that it’s going to happen for us in the same, exact way.   Quite simply, we’d love to just get pregnant the good, old fashioned way and give birth.   Just something incredible that we want to experience together.

This exercise in patience can be excruciating.   I guess the overall point here is where do our hearts lie?   Are we dedicated to continuing in prayer over this?   To continue trying in this?   To accept however God is working here?   I know that keeping in constant prayer keeps that relationship open not only between my wife and I, but between us and our Lord.  And I know that whatever comes from this, He will be glorified.

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Written by jovid52

September 21, 2010 at 8:11 pm

Posted in Baby Stuff

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