These Are Our Adventures

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation or Squeezing Blood from a Genetic Freak

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I had my first appointment with a local doctor to get an assortment of blood tests ran per the request of McScreamy.   This would be the first time I had set foot inside a family doctor’s office in years.   I get all the regular pokes and prods, but I’m constantly worried about needles.  The list of tests McScreamy wants ran is like a mile long so I imagine that my arm’s going to be stuck somewhere around 9 bajillion times.

“You know, if you guys are out of needles, I really won’t be upset,” I reassure the nurse, trying not to give away my phobia of needles.  “I can always come back another time.”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” she replies, and I swear I can see the bloodlust in her eyes.

The doctor comes in and she’s really cool.  Like Fonzie cool.   She explains the tests in greater detail and without all the screaming.   There’ll be regular blood screens, a cystic fibrosis screening, and some on depth looks at my generic code.  A cornucopia of tests, if you will.

“You know, you can have irregularities in your genes and still look normal,” Fonz shares.  Finally, a medical opinion that I am normal looking-ish!

This test is to find if there’s something deep down that might be messing with seed quality, if ya know what I mean.   Makes me feel like an X-Man whose power is producing freakishly unviable sperm.  Like Steve.

After giving up on them being out of needles, I man up and ask Dr. Fonz exactly how many times I’m going to end up getting poked with a needle.  She assures me that there’ll only be the one sticking.

She leaves to send the nurse back and I’m a little relieved.  Once.  Whew!   I can do this!

Enter the nurse again, carrying two trays filled with vials of all different sizes like she just came from Willy Wonka’s medical supply cabinet.

I eye her suspiciously as she says, “OK, if you can roll up your sleeve for me? We’re going to be taking nine blood samples.”

NINE?!  But Fonzarelli said….

Oh, yeah.  There’s only one needle.  They just change out vials.

Well played, Fonz.  Well played.

So I stare at the door as if penguins are jumping through it and Nurse Bloodthirsty asks if I’ve eaten anything.

Nope.  Nothing.  Sweet!  I’m gonna be all woozy after this bloodletting!

Alas, all that blood and no hallucinations to show for it.   No cookie either, by the way.

Over the next few weeks, my results slowly trickle in.   Slightly high cholesterol (“cut down on red meat,” the nurse says over the phone after I just finished a plate of barbecue), no cystic fibrosis, and just negative on my DNA stuff.  And no answers!

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Written by jovid52

January 24, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Photo Day

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Here’s a random assortment of photos I’ve taken recently in a lazy attempt to get a new post up!  🙂

 

 

 

 

 

Written by jovid52

October 26, 2010 at 9:07 pm

Posted in photos

To Whomever Is In Charge of Programming at the Food Network

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Complied for your reading pleasure are these ideas that flooded my Facebook status feed one Sunday afternoon.  See, around this house, we love food.  So by association, we love cooking and cooking shows.

However, this particular Sunday, after being subjected to endless promos for a new show called The Great Food Truck Race, a show whose most dramatic development concerns parking according to my new favorite podcast; a show that is EXACTLY what its title suggests.  (In the interests of full disclosure, I must say that I probably watched them all.)  I felt that if this is the direction they’re heading at the Food Network, then I could come up with some concepts as well.

So here we go:

1. “Where’s the Razor Blade?”- contestants are blindfolded and have to guess which food item has “The Blade!”

2. “You’ve Got Salmonella!”-each week a new food poisoning is given to the contestant and we watch as they experience it.

3. “Knife Fight”- the TV chefs engage in a knife fight.

4. “If I Could Cook a Panda”- chefs imagine what recipes they would use if they were to cook a panda.

5. “Carb OverLoad”- chefs compete against the clock to create the most carb heavy, unhealthy food item possible.

6. “Saturated Hats”- fashion designers marinate and cook their clothing creations.

7. “Blackout!”- cooks must prepare meals in pitch black darkness.

8. “Bobby Flay Will Beat You”- celebrity chef Bobby Flay discovers your talent and then attempts to beat you at your talent. If he loses, he then beats you physically.

9. “Is There Sage In This?”- contestants try to determine if the dish they’re eating has sage.

10. “The Innuendo Chef”- regular cooking show preparing normal recipes, but the chef can only speak in innuendos.

11. “If You Ever Want To See Your Children Alive Again, You’ll Cook…”- producers abduct contestants’ families and their release is dependent upon the dish quality.

12. “Cooking Charades”- chef must prepare a recipe that is acted out by their chosen friend.

13. “You Wanna Cook It? You Gotta Kill It!”- self explanatory.

14. “There’s More Than One Way to Skin a Cat”- self explanatory.

15. “WipeOut!”- each week and certain animal/other food item, cooking it until it is wiped from the Earth’s surface.

16. “You Said A Mouth Full!”- couples must communicate with each other with their mouths full of food.

17. “Around A Taco”- typical late night talk show format that takes place in a circular booth in a diner. A small plate with a taco sits on the table. Whoever holds the plate gets to talk and the host eats the taco at the end.

A good friend of mine started joining in and soon we were brainstorming not just a whole new schedule, but a whole new network!

Feel free to add your own suggestions!  Let’s get the attention of the Food Network!  🙂

Written by jovid52

October 12, 2010 at 9:09 pm

Posted in nonsense

All I Need is A Miracle

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The newest letter arrives and it’s not really anything we wanted to hear. Essentially, what the microscope showed us previously is true across the board for my sample.   There just aren’t enough mobile sperm or correctly shaped sperm present to be conducive for our desires.   Dr. K is befuddled by this given my blood work, but this is what the test showed.   Couple that with our ages and the MTHFR problems and the doctor thinks our chances of going the old fashioned route are very, very slim.   Not to say it couldn’t be accomplished.  We’ve achieved it before. Just that realistically, not very good odds.

He wants to talk to us about in vitro because he feels that it would be a very successful process for our case.   We’ve been on the fence regarding this for a bit. Dr. K told us that he really doesn’t like going this route because it feels to him as though he failed us. I find comfort in that.  We don’t feel so alone. He cares so much about helping us accomplish this.  We haven’t made an appointment yet, but I think we’re at least going to go and get the information.   And if anyone has an extra $15,000 laying around and wants to clear some space, give us a call! 🙂

We’ve also been giving adoption some serious consideration.   This is all in fact collection mode as well.   I know there’s a long process and financially, there’s a cost as well, but we’ve only just begun to Google and put out feelers.

Despite all the things that seem like setbacks, I just don’t feel like this door is being closed.   I know that earlier I wrote very confidently about us having a child.   When I look back at that entry, I wonder if some of it comes across as prideful or arrogant.   I don’t reallly think that it’s wrong to pray for a miracle regarding our situation, but I’m not sure if I’m also telling God exactly how He should fulfill that request.  Sometimes it feels like holding onto this causes more harm than good.  The crushing monthly disappointment is hard for both of us and here I am setting us up for more hardship next month.   I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me second guess what I feel like God is saying.   I wonder sometimes if I’m being fair.   I continue to pray about it and I still feel like it’s a “just wait” kind of scenario.

We hear so many wonderful stories from amazingly supportive people about other couples who have been in similar situations and God just blessed them with a child that’s it hard not to put ourselves in those scenarios.   To think that it’s going to happen for us in the same, exact way.   Quite simply, we’d love to just get pregnant the good, old fashioned way and give birth.   Just something incredible that we want to experience together.

This exercise in patience can be excruciating.   I guess the overall point here is where do our hearts lie?   Are we dedicated to continuing in prayer over this?   To continue trying in this?   To accept however God is working here?   I know that keeping in constant prayer keeps that relationship open not only between my wife and I, but between us and our Lord.  And I know that whatever comes from this, He will be glorified.

Written by jovid52

September 21, 2010 at 8:11 pm

Posted in Baby Stuff